36 Blessed Hours

From midnight Sunday to Tuesday morning, the world has experienced astonishing peace, justice, revelation, and irony.

Midnight Sunday: Martin Scorsese redeemed
The finest working director (sorry Clint) Martin Scorsese received the Oscar for "The Departed" - a veiled apology for years of insults (including Kevin Costner and "Gangs of New York") - next up: Leo...

Afternoon Monday: Christ discovered, un-reincarnated
James Cameron, yes another director, announced with dubious glee that a tomb has been found in Jerusalem with the remains of Jesus and his family. What? Wait... Isn't Christ at the right-hand of the Father? Hey, um, oh... Next thing they'll say is that the Pope is human, highly fallible and a former Nazi youth... Stupid Hollywood directors, how dare they?

Morning Tuesday: Cheney almost blown up
Dick "Last Throes" Cheney was nearly detonated by a suicide bomber at Bagram Air Base in Afghanistan - the LAST time he leaves his secret undisclosed bunker... Interestingly, and though a mile away, this is the closest Cheney has come to combat in over 4 decades of "service" - including four tours of Vietnam avoided, Sec. of Defense under Ford, and CEO of Halliburton... Sadly, at least a dozen others weren't so lucky, including another U.S. soldier, murdered by the suicide bomber today, as Cheney cowered inside, checked his pacemaker, then grunted a vulgarity and continued with his mission to cut-up Iraq's oil reserves for his pals.

Next Up: The Scooter Libby jury will be formally disbanded, deemed "Classified" then secretly renditioned off to one of our Allies for heated questioning...

Good, Bad and Inept - A Day of Presidents

On Presidents Day, let us take a look at those we celebrate by lumping them into generalized areas: Whether they were Good, Bad or simply Inept...

GOOD

Washington (made America)
Jefferson (the Louisiana Purchase overshadows constant cat-fights with peers)
Lincoln (divided America by being elected, never served a "whole" nation, then killed when finally united)
Teddy Roosevelt (fought for the little guy - Antitrust - then flexed military muscle but mistakenly refused another term - thanks, Teddy, you Bull Moose)
FDR (despite suspending civil rights and ignoring Congress, he cured the Depression and won WWII)
IKE (military muscle with a conscience - warned us of what we suffer under today - that Military Industrial Complex...)

sadly, that's about it, six great presidents out of 42, and thank God Washington and Jefferson held office so close to each other (note - Grover Cleveland gets counted twice but was by no means "good"


BAD

Fillmore (sorry again Buffalo, but Millard's fence-straddling led to the Civil War)
Jackson and Johnson (Cherokees and Reconstruction...)
Grant (again, Reconstruction)
Garfield, Harrison and McKinkley etc etc - sorry guys, you died quickly but your deeds hardly inspired confidence - tariffs aren't economic policy either

of course there are many more, like Hoover and Carter, but let's move on for sanity's sake...

INEPT

note - "Inept" also means corrupt

JFK (Why do we still care about this guy? Assasinations offer a false sheen - What did he do? Bay of Pigs? Near nuclear war? Didn't we like Jackie O. more than this philandering goof? Oh, selecting his brother as Attorney General is all too suspect...)
Nixon (Without Watergate, tricky Dick may be "Good" but he's so bad he's Inept)
Reagan (Iran/Contra anyone? Sorry, Ronny didn't fell a single stone of the Berlin Wall and his policies still haunt us...)
Clinton (Sorry folks, history won't serve him well... High tech made the economy hum but Slick Willy ignored Aids and co-opted GOP platforms... I love to hear him talk too but, really, he's another JFK without the wife)
Bush (the first Bush that is, the CIA head who pardoned Reagan's Iran/Contra perps, please... "a million points" and "no new taxes" - a guy who makes Ford look agile)
Cheney (let's be real, G.W. Bush isn't president - sadly, he's been put on trial via "Scooter" Libby and guilty as Hillary is unelectable)

Now, browse up and see the slow decline of America. Our most inept presidents have served over the past few decades. What happened to us? Will Obama be different? Rudy G. is now running - be scared, very very scared...

Pelosi's Plane, Astronauts' Sex-lives, Russert vs. Scooter - An Ode to the Inane

The "new" Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, wants a bigger jet that can fly her back to California without refueling. Much bigger - seating at least 50 people - and she already has a personal Lear Jet; wow, the first 100 hours are certainly over...

85% of Bush's next budget is War, Welfare and Interest Payments on the debt he's racked-up waging war - Are we done yet?

Really? How much more money does our military need? $2.9 trillion budget released this week, 2,500 pages of text, charts and notes, and all that was necessary was a single page of Northrop Grumman, Boeing, Lockeed, Halliburton and Raytheon logos.
Another $145.2 billion for war, not including another $99.6 billion for, well, war... The Pentagon is getting a 10% raise this year - Are you? Bush is giving those actually fighting the war a 3% raise - Wow, that's compassion.

$300,000,000 per day - That's just one figure - another is 362 TONS of cash shipped to Iraq at the beginning of the war and over $8 billion disappearing just as quick.
What would you do with $8 billion? Perhaps buy a garage to store it - How does that much cash disappear? Republicans are saying that Democratic leaders are nitpicking old issues - BUT REALLY - Where the HELL did over $8 billion go?

Sorry, a tad exasperated this week...

Forget about universal health care, retirement for mom and dad, food for puppies... We're broke, America, busted, bankrupt - financially and morally, after a mere 7 years of George W. Bush.

Tim Russert used crutches to walk all over Scooter Libby, a man who used crutches when his indictment was announced. Strangely, the lies in the run-up to invading Iraq are being heard during a perjury trial. Saddam was hung, Scooter will go to jail, and Cheney will collect a pension.

What can Cheney say without perjuring himself? Even a grunt will indicate guilt...

How much of this year's budget is dedicated (classified, of course) to the Carlyle Group - Bush 41's company?

Exxon-Mobil made nearly $40 BILLION in profits - Halliburton also reported record profits - did you? Prediction: Within the next 6 months, the Iraqi "government" will open its oil fields to private yet noncompetitive contracts...

To that point, how soon until all defense budgets are classified - for our safety, of course...

Have you had enough yet?

The 2 parties running our country can't decide on 2 resolutions in the Senate...

While we laugh at an astronaut in diapers, can't we at least cry for ourselves?

If it helps, we aren't alone - Britain recently closed an investigation into illegal arms sales to the Saudis because the Saudis wanted to buy more weapons...

Nancy Pelosi needs a bigger plane, Bush more money for war, and America, more jails for our politicians. Save those pennies and dimes, we'll soon need every cent.

Senator Inhofe Denies He's Responsible for that Awful Smell

The Most Honorable, compassionate, visionary and incredibly independent Republican Senator from Oklahoma, Jim Inhofe, declared yesterday that the awful smell filling his office did not come from any of his orifices. Though alone in his office during the assumed emission of the putrid stank - and despite his secretary's assurances that she has never smelled anything "Ucky or un-Inhofe" in the air - proof is growing that the smell, a strange mix of sulfur, garlic and toejam, did indeed originate from the Senator.

"Noah's Ark... This smell, and any allegations that it came from me, is the greatest myth perpetuated since Global Warming..." said the Senator, who has represented Oklahoma since the mid-90s, and oftens uses Biblical references to support indefensible positions. "Solomon, Mary and Joseph..." muttered the Senator afterward, repeating that global warming is a "hoax."

Senator Inhofe's bold declaration - again despite unanimous agreement otherwise, with pages, other Senators and secretaries cringing and nearly vomiting when passing by Inhofe's office - received a majority of support from his home-state of Oklahoma. Being nearly 2,500 miles away, Oklahomans simply could not smell the Senator's stank, but one voter summed their near-universal position: "If Jim says so, David and Goliath, then it's so..."

In addition to the hoax of global warming, the Senator's history of fierce declarations that seem to defy scientific and popular proof include saying that no fetuses were killed to make his egg salad sandwich, and that he is fully independent. Being from Oklahoma - a state Inhofe says has no history of oil drilling - the Senator reminded everyone of his kind and compassionate statements after the Oklahoma City bombing, paraphrasing himself: "There were fewer deaths on that day because the workers were, after all, government employees, Joshua fit the battle, and it was only 9am, so they were still getting their coffee..."

At time of this posting, no more smells have come from Senator Inhofe's office - ever since the door has been closed, that is.

Meanwhile, proof that icecaps are melting and polar bears will become extinct remain debateable: "Next thing you'll say is that those beans I ate last night has something to do with this stink-hoax... Genesis, Abraham, David... You people believe everything educated researchers say... Israel, Apocalypse... Fill'er up, too bad this SUV doesn't run on all those dinosaurs you crackpots say once wandered this Earth..."