In a rare interview with would-be assassin Joe Scheckler, the possible gunman admitted sudden confusion over the recent announcements by both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama of their intentions to run for president in 2008.
"Honestly, a few weeks ago, I was much more confident." confided Scheckler, an unemployed woodworker/pizza delivery driver/cock-fighting referee, "I had my sights quite literally set on Obama because, well, you know... But now, with Hillary running, I'm really torn. It has become a real toss-up."
Though described as a "wacko" and "nutjob" by his friends and fellow would-be assassin peers, Scheckler sounds quite serious when saying that he will actually do something this time.
"Lots of people remind me of my failed attempt on Dennis Kucinich," mourns Scheckler, sitting in his studio apartment in a suburb near you, remembering how he actually packed a brown-bag lunch and started his car - apparently ready to attend a speech by the forgotten Democratic presidential candidate in 2004 but lacking a gun because Scheckler is opposed to the NRA and its platform, "But what most don't mention is that I stopped because it would have made him more famous. I mean, really, Dennis Kucinich? What was I thinking? He could have gotten like ten more votes..."
Solely focused on Democratic targets, when Scheckler was asked why he doesn't consider Republicans, his face turned red, "I know, I know... Bush One, Two, Cheney, McCain... I really got lost the past few years. With losing my job delivering pizzas and the lack of woodworking projects as well as cock-fighting venues in the area... But that's all history. Now, if I could just decide which would be better - the woman or half-Kenyan... Something big, as soon as I make up my mind, something big."
However ominous he may sound, the majority of Scheckler's friends (2 of 3 total) said that he will probably again lose interest, instead focusing on another season of "American Idol." As expressed by one associate, who asked to remain anonymous - nor be referred to as a "friend" of would-be assassin Joe Scheckler:
"Joe's a good guy. He's just lacking gumption. If he could do one thing well, that would be a day to remember. Like get a job, wow, what a day - - But he's Joe, so we all listen to his talk of assassinating someone... Isn't that what friends do?"
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