All Apologies

To the many who have noticed, I'm very sorry that this blog has been more stagnant than the Democrat's mighty aims upon taking office.

Rove left; Gonzales gone and awaiting subpoenas; dear Lord, all I've missed ---- And not.

I've been very busy. Checkout www.brooklyneagle.com for my weekly "Borough of Writers" column, as well as www.podiobooks.com for the serial podcast of my novel "Sellout" - Oh, and good news, my "On Giants" book is now complete and with a publisher.

I thought I'd cut my own throat and create a blog.

Alas, life got in the way.

Stay tuned for more strange developments...

During "Fleet Week" NYC Suddenly Less Energy Efficient

The sound stirs the loins. Hearts racing, heads turn to the skies...

And four fighters jets zoom above, sonics shaking windows, hands involuntarily raising to chests.

"Fleet Week" is upon New York City, with thousands of sailors wandering about, enjoying a brief reprieve from duty. We thank them, appreciate their tourist dollars, but not the waste they symbolize.

The Air Force uses one-half of all gasoline used by the U.S. Government. Classified, of course, but recent GAO and Pentagon reports show that the Air Force and Navy jets are only adding the energy inefficiency of America. As reported by the Dayton Daily News: "The Air Force's annual fuel consumption bill has gone from $2.8 billion in 2004 to $6.2 billion now, Maj. Gen. John Folkerts said. Over three years, the Department of Defense's standard price for a gallon of JP-8 jet fuel went from $1.10 to $2.87, before the recent run-up in fuel prices, he said."

So, as Americans are balking at pump prices, so too is the Air Force. And New York? Well, most of us don't drive, which makes such usage rather ugly - especially when booming overhead. With our mayor releasing the most bold energy efficiency plans in the nation (planning for 2030 instead of 2050 like other leaders - even environmentalists) our city is beset with the military - an unquenchable gas hog.

Herein lies the irony of America's energy policy: As reported today in the New York Times, coal lobbyists are vying for their own, personal trough: Among other bills being manuevered and manipulated in the House and Senate committees, one part is "permission for the Air Force to sign 25-year contracts for almost a billion gallons a year of coal-based jet fuel."

Permission? Coal-based jet fuel?

How about cutting a billion gallons of fuel?

Never mind, we're at war. We can't question the Pentagon or its lobbyists, uh, I mean, Generals and advisors. Instead of flying missions over a city that has been on the highest threat level since nine-one-one, please tell us where billions of Iraqi oil have disappeared to? (search last month's reports on your own, the excuses are too absurb to print here) The Pentagon says total reserves may have been over-estimated, but it is a wonder that we invaded such an oil-rich country only to undermine its production and, believe it or not, use that oil to for our own means. Oil companies are blaming refinery shortages for high prices - but didn't we hear that excuse last year; Katrina can't be blamed any longer - Just tell us the truth or bring full accountability to the fourth branch of government: The Pentagon.

Most "predator" drones now running on solar, yet we're still advancing military policies which will have lifespans of decades and are purposely intended to NOT curb fossil fuel usage and waste.

It's sad that New York City must be Ground Zero for such displays of irony. We're the most energy efficient city in America (albeit mostly by default, because we're stacked on top of one another) and welcoming and entertaining our soldiers is part of our tradition. We support our troops.

But it's getting harder and harder to support their leaders and the machine behind them. Bush/Cheney don't dare use Ground Zero for photo-ops anymore, because they already know the welcome they'll get, and New Jersey is fighting to close the bombing range that - OOPS - set a massive forest fire when a fighter jet dropped a flare on dry ground. We've had enough, and we're now taking the lead.

One can only wish that some of those soldiers, young faces filled with pride, will do the same some day. Instead of flying jets over a city already beseiged, please honor us all by staying grounded and saving what little gas remains.

Bloomberg '08 - Why and How

This should have been so easy... The GOP is a mess and Dem-control of Congress remarkably effective, initially and compared to the corrupt prior, so you'd think that a Dem '08 Presidency was all but a given.

And, after watching multiple GOP prez candidates raise their hands to show their disbelief in evolution (me, I don't believe in aging) it seemed assured (however unnerving). But, weeks before, watching multiple Dem prez candidates stumble all over each other about Iraq - and Hillary now trying to cast a new vote on the war that she initially and zealously supported - it has become abundantly clear that a 3rd party is necessary.

Our country is split - not akin to the Civil War but close - and divisive issues like abortion and those fabulous unions of same-sex individuals simply aren't bringing adequate outrage from the masses (Karl Rove is obviously too busy deleting emails while the dozens of Rovian clones in the Dem ranks too busy raising money from the next Jack Abramoff) while the war is the hangover we're all trying to treat even as Bush et al keep offering us more shots.

They will split - the GOP and Dems - and a scant 37% showing by a third-party could take the presidency. So who will do so?

Michael Bloomberg, current mayor of NYC, the most brave leader in America and least beholden politician since Teddy Roosevelt. $5 billion in the bank, Mike is taking on guns - with the backing of 200+ other mayors around the country - and yet another GOP heretic who favors choice and actually believes in evolution.

He took on the Pope (the man who faced a run-off vote at the Vatican to be God's voice on earth) by giving away condoms to stem AIDS; he's released what is perhaps the only long-term plan for development and environmental controls in the country; oh, and he's a Rudy-killer - Bloomberg rebuilt NYC after 9-11, not Guiliani.

But he's got ghosts, thanks to the GOP - The RNC (Republican National Convention) in 2004 was a nightmare - thousands arrested and held without charges for the duration, as well as a highly dubious pre-conventional snooping on innocent groups. This is also his strength - He can disown the GOP in one fell swoop by saying it all to protect us. Sound familiar? When in doubt, cite protection and terrorists - Bloomberg publicly balked at Homeland Security cuts for NYC and has continually demanded screening of shipping containers - Oh, and he seems to understand the economic importance of immigrants, illegal or pending...

Pluses and minuses, Bloomberg is easily the best candidate. Will he run? Why would he bother saying yet? With states pushing-up their primaries to, well, tomorrow, we'll know by early '08. By then Hillary will have the nod from the Dems, however closely followed by Obama, and either Mitt or Rudy will be leading the GOP. Sadly, McCain is now a Shakespearian tragedy.

Bloomberg/Bill Richardson may be the most experienced and proven ticket in decades.

Gore/Bloomberg? Doubt it - both would want to lead but a mixed ticket would be the salve we all need right now.

Bloomberg/Obama? If Obama has the guts we all hope for but have yet to hear, could he too disown the party that won't pick him? Obama needs experience - Bloomberg needs no one.

Will America elect a Jew? Will you?

Post 9-11 we all looked to NYC - and the Bush/Cheney Admin used it to invade. Now, post-Bush/Cheney, look to NYC again. There's a short smart guy riding the subway to work; he's got billions and long-term plans.

Me, I like Mike.

Rush, Bees, CIA, KGB and other liars

Let us pause...

There, feel better? Had enough Virginia Tech coverage and NRA denials? Not yet - Rush Limbaugh, the sensitive addict, said that the shooter "must be a liberal." In a rambling diatribe, the shooter (who will go nameless like all fame-seeking souls should) supposedly hated the rich - thus he's a liberal. Take a (or another) pill, Rush. Imus was fired for less, you bald tub of crap (which will soon replace Imus's slur as that favored by all non-honkies) "Yo' bald tub'o crap..."

Onto other, more important matters...

Our bees are disappearing. Is anyone surprised that a species we have subjugated for our survival would say, "Oh, to hell with them..." I'm not. Some say it's those fine insecticides, others cellphone signals. I say it's our fate: Our politicians deemed ethanol to be the best bio-fuel (despite very low efficiency and vast oil usage during growth) and, now, the bees needed to pollinate our crops are disappearing. Another Exxon-Mobil conspiracy? Where are they hiding our bees so we can't make bio-fuels? Those evil bastards...

Speaking of evil bastards, has anyone noticed that there are far too many former-agents now running the world? Wasn't this predictable? The first George Bush headed-up the CIA, Russia's Putin was KGB, our current Defense Secretary was CIA... At least Russia is poisoning their former agents, ours' get promoted. Even MacBeth couldn't wash his hands clean: How can we have our government run by those who underminded others for decades?

Yet another week in "The Surge": The Pentagon recently retired the term "long war" while, at the same time, 9 troops killed and 20+ more were injured in another suicide bombing. Good thing we're surging. Pity our poor troops, support them but, please, don't threaten to cut funding for our war machine...

Better yet, pity the poor neocons who should be cons. Richard Perle needs an orange jumpsuit; Alberto "Don't Call Me Speedy" Gonzales needs more room for the nose that can't stop growing.

Next time a sexual predator is on trial and they use his/her old emails to convict, ask why the National Republican Committee's old emails can somehow disappear? Why did Rove have a special application installed on servers to delete his emails via Blackberry?

Can anyone say Abramoff? Oh, sorry, Gonzales was only concerned with voter fraud (i.e. too many minorities voting) while Hillary is running for her life from Obama. McCain needs a mirror; we need a 3rd party.

Another Pentagon Report Entitled "Ooops..."

Dear Ike,

You were right; we didn't listen and now we're overrun by the military industrial complex... Ooops, our bad.

Pat Tillman.

Prisoner abuse.

Hussein-Qaeda Link 'Inappropriate' - Wait, what? A new report, yet another investigation of the Pentagon done by the Pentagon itself (which always inspires confidence) states that analysts reporting to Douglas Feith - flowing up to Stephen Hadley, convicted felon "Scooter" Libby and Anti-Christ (oops, sorry, Vice President) Cheney - showed "fundamental problems with how the intelligence community is assessing information."

What? Oh, right, that intelligence that Feith's (thus Cheney's) special Pentagon policy offices used to invade Iraq... Over 3,200 Americans dead, God knows how many Iraqis, and hundreds of billions wasted (oops, invested) into Pentagon budgets, the Pentagon at last admitted a big "Ooops..."

Yet another investigation that should inspire equal confidence in the war machine that sucks the largest portion of our nation's budget: ITT, the contractor who develops and provides night vision equipment to the Pentagon, was fined ONE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS in March for illegally exporting (outsourcing) this strategic technology to Asia and other potential future hot spots for the Pentagon's fearmongering...

In addition to these penalties, ITT was also slapped with the most horrid of all penalities: ITT is to develop the next generation of night vision equipment... Wow, that hurts - Let's hope ITT has learned a lesson - give our important technology, paid for by taxpayers to keep our soldiers safe, to our potential enemies and you'll not only have to pay fines with the tax-dollars we give you, but you'll get more tax-dollars to develop more technology... Kind of like punishing a rapist by putting him in a room full of cheerleaders...

Nice work, Pentagon. We're all eager to support our troops (and contractors and lobbyists and investigators and coup d'etats and prosthetic manufacturers) as long as you need. Good thing we don't have other concerns - like reinventing our economy for global warming, underwriting retiring Baby Boomers and restoring our dignity.

Newton Disproved: Shit Suddenly Flowing Uphill

In an ironic twist for an administration that refutes scientific evidence in favor of pure faith, recent developments are showing the Bush Administration is now victim to a sudden change in the Laws of Gravity.

Sir Isaac Newton, creator/inventor of the Laws of Gravity, could not be reached for comment but he's surely doing back-flips in his grave with the recent news that Monica Goodling, the Justice Department's White House liaison, will take the 5th Amendment to protect hers against self-incrimination in the growing investigation into the Bush Administration's firing of U.S. Attorneys - coupled with the publication of the "official" Pentagon report on the friendly-fired death of former-NFL star Pat Tillman - showing signs that shit is suddenly flowing uphill.

A direct contradiction of the Laws of Gravity, as well as previous stances and court victories by the Bush Admin, the notion of accountability (i.e. "shit") has been effectively avoided until recently, with most bad news (aka "shit") flowing downhill, and dozens of privates and other NCOs receiving prison terms for detainee abuse and other war crimes. Any connection to Pentagon and Bush Admin officials actually encouraging such illicit behavior by underlings has been scant; but, while the Tillman investigation found no criminal wrongdoing in his shooting, it was especially critical of Lt. Gen. Philip R. Kensinger, who headed the Army Special Operations Command when Corporate Tillman was killed - and may be disciplined (probably retired) for withholding notification from Tillman's family and, essentially, creating a hero from a tragedy.

Even more damning is Goodling's position: By taking the 5th, the liaison between the White House and Justice Department is signaling that she may be called during criminal cases. Will she testify against Alberto Gonzales? Rove? Chirp birdy, sing...

Prediction: The investigation will, as my previous post said, focus on votes and the actions of the U.S. Attorneys. Bear in mind it will not be those fired but those who remained in their positions - choosing to carry the Bush Admin's banner into an apolitical post - that will offer the most outrage. Democratic phone banks were blocked in New Hampshire and any charges against GOP operatives stalled until after the elections; what about investigations into Diebold and other electronically-flawed machines?

The iceberg approaches. Bush won't be impeached, he'll have to resign. I give him 6 months... Just hope Cheney's replacement is ready: Rudy is already rewriting his stance on firearms and abortion, raising the question: Where's Kerik?

Votes and Oil - The Cause and Cure

In viewing the uproar about the Justice Department (most certainly in tandem with the White House) firing 8 U.S. Attorneys, as well as the somber 4th Anniversary of the invasion of Iraq (thank God we were welcomed as liberators) it is time to take a long look at the causes and cures to what ails our sick nation.

Votes and Oil: The Cause and Cure for both...

As committees investigate the firings of U.S. Attorneys, it will become clear that it wasn't performance or immigration that were the reason, but votes. Especially in the case of David C. Iglesias, former U.S. Attorney for New Mexico, voter fraud and his unwillingness to prosecute cases against local Democrats, will become the theme. Understand that when the GOP mentions voter fraud it means "Dems are trying to sign-up more voters" while Dems see the GOP are suppressing voter turnout... Iglesias refused to prosecute suspected voter fraud (one Dem volunteer signing-up many errant or outright illegal new voters) so he was fired.

The sheer numbers of Dems investigated by politically-appointed U.S. Attorneys (who are politically-appointed but somehow expected to be apolitical once appointed) under the Bush Admininstration validates all claims that the position has been abused by Bush operatives, Rove included. But, what's new about that? What is new is the focus on specific districts for overall victory in elections - and this is where investigators should look. What really happened in 2004? Many still wonder about Ohio; why are we now looking elsewhere?

Our vote is our sole means of being heard. If U.S. Attorneys are being used to smear candidates with baseless investigations before elections, then the results put under a shroud of uncertainly after, what rights do We the People actually have?

Just look Iraq to see our future...

The oil industry in Iraq has been "denationalized" - meaning that Exxon-Mobil and others are already hard at work bolstering their spreadsheets. The 3rd largest reserves of oil in the world are now public - and an orgy is already underway. The Kurds have been strangely left alone over the past 4 years of carnage - Why? Because the vast majority of Iraq's reserves lie to the north - under the Kurds' feet... We can destroy Baghdad but dare not disturb the real reason for our invasion.

It all comes down to people. From the ignorant suicide bomber making a statement to the equally ignorant American voter agreeing to the full party line, we are not at the mercy of faceless organizations and conspiracies. We are actually in charge - Just as long as our votes still count - And it is time to retake control of the government we select/elect other people to run every few years. More so, we must retake control of our actions...

Australia recently decided to "tax" (meaning actually charge for) plastic grocery bags - you know, the bags you can't buy an apple without getting at least 2 to take home with you - Amazingly, by charging for these petroleum-based products, consumption fell by over 80%. Human behavior was altered by a modest fee.

How will human behavior alter once it is revealed that our votes don't count? We already know that African-Americans and immigrants don't vote when suppression techniques are utilized at the polls.

Look to Iraq to see how human beings react to being invaded for their sole resource...

Shame on us all for not acting. Shame on the same Senators who confirmed Alberto Gonzales as Attorney General, the same Senators who are now crying foul because he is what he always was - another Bush buddy, crony...

And shame on all who were surprised that Hillary confirmed what we all know. Deep-down, to the bone, we all know we can't fail in Iraq. Hillary said just that: She'll leave troops in Iraq. Desertion is not an option. Admit it: We don't care about freedom or, really, Iraqis and their rights, we only care about securing the last bit of oil in the world before the whole shithouse goes up in flames. All those holier than thou are as delusional as Cheney is evil.

Take a good look; the next time you lug a bag of groceries home, three-bags thick for safety, or when you see Prez candidates raising record amounts for the 2008 run - Ask yourself why - Aren't We The People? Is this our country? Look to Iraq and see the truth: This is us, in our name. We the people.

The NSA Administration

Warning to readers - this post contains sexual references that most may find too close for comfort...

In dating there are three categories of lovers: Long-Term (LT), Friends With Benefits (FWB) and No Strings Attached (NSA). Monogamous, trysts, or straight sex, the compassionate and morally superior Bush Administration has proven itself to be all about fucking people without consequences...

A few cases in point:

This weekend, while fleeing North America and his sorry approval ratings (and FBI/Gonzales uproar) President Bush put it plainly, saying that funding for the Iraq War should come with "no strings attached." He said it, dead-on. Whether funding, caring for soldiers injured by his decisions, or mounting Laura in the dark, George is all about flings without repercussions. Who needs coke when you're Commander in Chief?

Scooter Libby learned firsthand that he was a gloryhole for his boss and the admin; the "fall guy" will be going to prison (failing a pardon) forever wondering why he is destined to be the bottom for endless NSA affairs behind bars.

Cheney and Halliburton have shown similar penchants for unprotected, undevoted soirees: Cheney let Libby fall on his sword, however limp, while Halliburton announced that it was taking its war profits to Dubia - moving its headquarters from Houston to another country less eager to ask questions.

And now there's the Gonzales/FBI/Federal Attorney fiasco: Who says the Justice Department must be independent? Firing 8 federal attorneys who failed to investigate mostly Dem pols, the Attorney General is the bootie call that no one wants - even his own party's appointees. Alberto "Don't Call Me Speedy" Gonzales had better learn quick that this administration is loyal to no one, even itself, and he too will slowly forced to his knees, mouth agape in awe, awaiting what so many others have experienced.

On a comforting note, it's nice to see that the Bush Admin. likes its sugar daddies - hedge funds should be left to their own greedy devices (insider trading first and foremost) while defense contractors are posting fine profits, and the Pentagon is firing Generals faster than the BBC is covering Blair's pale behind. Congratulations, fellas, the skimpy skirt Bush wore during elections keeps raising for you...

For the rest of us, we can only hope for sloppy seconds - like Hillary.

Libby Guilty; Cheney clots; Rove plots; Dems bicker

After a week of deliberation, a jury found VP Dick Cheney's former Chief of Staff I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby guilty of 4 of 5 total perjury counts. Scooter now faces up to 25 years in prison, his lawyers seek another trial, and one sympathetic and exhausted juror said pointedly that Libby was a "fall guy."

Meanwhile, VP Cheney has a blood clot in his leg - probably from his impromptu Middle East trip last week and long flights - forcing everyone to gauge what pity may be conjured for the man: 4 heart attacks, innumerable human rights trampled and invasions later, is there a better time for the VP to step down? Not to be rude, but isn't Beelzebub ready to take him home yet? Or doesn't the devil want Cheney around either?

There is doubt that replacing Cheney - perhaps positioning an heir to Bush in 2008 - will do little good. Evangelist Brownback? Jaded Rudy? Who would want the VP post in this failed administration? More indictments are likely, despite Libby's prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald calling his investigation "idle" - But who other than the Attorney General can indict the Attorney General Gonzales? How much longer must we await impeachment hearings?

Don't wait on the Dems. Hillary is too busy shadowing Obama, Bill ever in tow and attack dogs ready like, well, Selma some 40 years ago... They're already attacking Gore's mansion's energy usage (a sign of how wary they are of the former VP and Oscar winner) and spending money like campaign finance reform wasn't passed just a few years ago...

This is a sorry state of the Union. It now appears that the Dems retaking the Senate and House only a few months ago has been a moot cause - All eyes on are 2008 with too few looking around and asking the obvious: Do we have that long?

36 Blessed Hours

From midnight Sunday to Tuesday morning, the world has experienced astonishing peace, justice, revelation, and irony.

Midnight Sunday: Martin Scorsese redeemed
The finest working director (sorry Clint) Martin Scorsese received the Oscar for "The Departed" - a veiled apology for years of insults (including Kevin Costner and "Gangs of New York") - next up: Leo...

Afternoon Monday: Christ discovered, un-reincarnated
James Cameron, yes another director, announced with dubious glee that a tomb has been found in Jerusalem with the remains of Jesus and his family. What? Wait... Isn't Christ at the right-hand of the Father? Hey, um, oh... Next thing they'll say is that the Pope is human, highly fallible and a former Nazi youth... Stupid Hollywood directors, how dare they?

Morning Tuesday: Cheney almost blown up
Dick "Last Throes" Cheney was nearly detonated by a suicide bomber at Bagram Air Base in Afghanistan - the LAST time he leaves his secret undisclosed bunker... Interestingly, and though a mile away, this is the closest Cheney has come to combat in over 4 decades of "service" - including four tours of Vietnam avoided, Sec. of Defense under Ford, and CEO of Halliburton... Sadly, at least a dozen others weren't so lucky, including another U.S. soldier, murdered by the suicide bomber today, as Cheney cowered inside, checked his pacemaker, then grunted a vulgarity and continued with his mission to cut-up Iraq's oil reserves for his pals.

Next Up: The Scooter Libby jury will be formally disbanded, deemed "Classified" then secretly renditioned off to one of our Allies for heated questioning...

Good, Bad and Inept - A Day of Presidents

On Presidents Day, let us take a look at those we celebrate by lumping them into generalized areas: Whether they were Good, Bad or simply Inept...

GOOD

Washington (made America)
Jefferson (the Louisiana Purchase overshadows constant cat-fights with peers)
Lincoln (divided America by being elected, never served a "whole" nation, then killed when finally united)
Teddy Roosevelt (fought for the little guy - Antitrust - then flexed military muscle but mistakenly refused another term - thanks, Teddy, you Bull Moose)
FDR (despite suspending civil rights and ignoring Congress, he cured the Depression and won WWII)
IKE (military muscle with a conscience - warned us of what we suffer under today - that Military Industrial Complex...)

sadly, that's about it, six great presidents out of 42, and thank God Washington and Jefferson held office so close to each other (note - Grover Cleveland gets counted twice but was by no means "good"


BAD

Fillmore (sorry again Buffalo, but Millard's fence-straddling led to the Civil War)
Jackson and Johnson (Cherokees and Reconstruction...)
Grant (again, Reconstruction)
Garfield, Harrison and McKinkley etc etc - sorry guys, you died quickly but your deeds hardly inspired confidence - tariffs aren't economic policy either

of course there are many more, like Hoover and Carter, but let's move on for sanity's sake...

INEPT

note - "Inept" also means corrupt

JFK (Why do we still care about this guy? Assasinations offer a false sheen - What did he do? Bay of Pigs? Near nuclear war? Didn't we like Jackie O. more than this philandering goof? Oh, selecting his brother as Attorney General is all too suspect...)
Nixon (Without Watergate, tricky Dick may be "Good" but he's so bad he's Inept)
Reagan (Iran/Contra anyone? Sorry, Ronny didn't fell a single stone of the Berlin Wall and his policies still haunt us...)
Clinton (Sorry folks, history won't serve him well... High tech made the economy hum but Slick Willy ignored Aids and co-opted GOP platforms... I love to hear him talk too but, really, he's another JFK without the wife)
Bush (the first Bush that is, the CIA head who pardoned Reagan's Iran/Contra perps, please... "a million points" and "no new taxes" - a guy who makes Ford look agile)
Cheney (let's be real, G.W. Bush isn't president - sadly, he's been put on trial via "Scooter" Libby and guilty as Hillary is unelectable)

Now, browse up and see the slow decline of America. Our most inept presidents have served over the past few decades. What happened to us? Will Obama be different? Rudy G. is now running - be scared, very very scared...

Pelosi's Plane, Astronauts' Sex-lives, Russert vs. Scooter - An Ode to the Inane

The "new" Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, wants a bigger jet that can fly her back to California without refueling. Much bigger - seating at least 50 people - and she already has a personal Lear Jet; wow, the first 100 hours are certainly over...

85% of Bush's next budget is War, Welfare and Interest Payments on the debt he's racked-up waging war - Are we done yet?

Really? How much more money does our military need? $2.9 trillion budget released this week, 2,500 pages of text, charts and notes, and all that was necessary was a single page of Northrop Grumman, Boeing, Lockeed, Halliburton and Raytheon logos.
Another $145.2 billion for war, not including another $99.6 billion for, well, war... The Pentagon is getting a 10% raise this year - Are you? Bush is giving those actually fighting the war a 3% raise - Wow, that's compassion.

$300,000,000 per day - That's just one figure - another is 362 TONS of cash shipped to Iraq at the beginning of the war and over $8 billion disappearing just as quick.
What would you do with $8 billion? Perhaps buy a garage to store it - How does that much cash disappear? Republicans are saying that Democratic leaders are nitpicking old issues - BUT REALLY - Where the HELL did over $8 billion go?

Sorry, a tad exasperated this week...

Forget about universal health care, retirement for mom and dad, food for puppies... We're broke, America, busted, bankrupt - financially and morally, after a mere 7 years of George W. Bush.

Tim Russert used crutches to walk all over Scooter Libby, a man who used crutches when his indictment was announced. Strangely, the lies in the run-up to invading Iraq are being heard during a perjury trial. Saddam was hung, Scooter will go to jail, and Cheney will collect a pension.

What can Cheney say without perjuring himself? Even a grunt will indicate guilt...

How much of this year's budget is dedicated (classified, of course) to the Carlyle Group - Bush 41's company?

Exxon-Mobil made nearly $40 BILLION in profits - Halliburton also reported record profits - did you? Prediction: Within the next 6 months, the Iraqi "government" will open its oil fields to private yet noncompetitive contracts...

To that point, how soon until all defense budgets are classified - for our safety, of course...

Have you had enough yet?

The 2 parties running our country can't decide on 2 resolutions in the Senate...

While we laugh at an astronaut in diapers, can't we at least cry for ourselves?

If it helps, we aren't alone - Britain recently closed an investigation into illegal arms sales to the Saudis because the Saudis wanted to buy more weapons...

Nancy Pelosi needs a bigger plane, Bush more money for war, and America, more jails for our politicians. Save those pennies and dimes, we'll soon need every cent.

Senator Inhofe Denies He's Responsible for that Awful Smell

The Most Honorable, compassionate, visionary and incredibly independent Republican Senator from Oklahoma, Jim Inhofe, declared yesterday that the awful smell filling his office did not come from any of his orifices. Though alone in his office during the assumed emission of the putrid stank - and despite his secretary's assurances that she has never smelled anything "Ucky or un-Inhofe" in the air - proof is growing that the smell, a strange mix of sulfur, garlic and toejam, did indeed originate from the Senator.

"Noah's Ark... This smell, and any allegations that it came from me, is the greatest myth perpetuated since Global Warming..." said the Senator, who has represented Oklahoma since the mid-90s, and oftens uses Biblical references to support indefensible positions. "Solomon, Mary and Joseph..." muttered the Senator afterward, repeating that global warming is a "hoax."

Senator Inhofe's bold declaration - again despite unanimous agreement otherwise, with pages, other Senators and secretaries cringing and nearly vomiting when passing by Inhofe's office - received a majority of support from his home-state of Oklahoma. Being nearly 2,500 miles away, Oklahomans simply could not smell the Senator's stank, but one voter summed their near-universal position: "If Jim says so, David and Goliath, then it's so..."

In addition to the hoax of global warming, the Senator's history of fierce declarations that seem to defy scientific and popular proof include saying that no fetuses were killed to make his egg salad sandwich, and that he is fully independent. Being from Oklahoma - a state Inhofe says has no history of oil drilling - the Senator reminded everyone of his kind and compassionate statements after the Oklahoma City bombing, paraphrasing himself: "There were fewer deaths on that day because the workers were, after all, government employees, Joshua fit the battle, and it was only 9am, so they were still getting their coffee..."

At time of this posting, no more smells have come from Senator Inhofe's office - ever since the door has been closed, that is.

Meanwhile, proof that icecaps are melting and polar bears will become extinct remain debateable: "Next thing you'll say is that those beans I ate last night has something to do with this stink-hoax... Genesis, Abraham, David... You people believe everything educated researchers say... Israel, Apocalypse... Fill'er up, too bad this SUV doesn't run on all those dinosaurs you crackpots say once wandered this Earth..."

Best and Worst of the Week

Note - Finding any "best" was rather difficult this week... Resembling a tuna noodle casserole - a strange mix, each ingredient rather unappealing, combining to create something that needs potato chips on top to make it tastier.

#3 The Perp Walk at Scooter's CIA Trial
Who's next? G. Gordon Liddy? "Scooter" Libby's perjury trial has seen so many questionable characters - Ari "Don't listen to me" Fleischer, Judish "Oops, Again" Miller, and David "Don't Quote Me on This" Addington - that is resembled more of a police lineup than trial. Former White House spokesman Fleischer has immunity, former NY Times reporter Miller fears more months in jail, and Cheney's counsel Addington is so secretive that the mere sunlight in the courtroom gave him a tan... This is our government at work, all working for our "Commander in Chief" and "decision-maker" (but more on that as #2)

#2 "The Decider"
Forget the Iraq War, Katrina, Domestic Spying, tax breaks for everyone but who really needs them... George W. Bush reassured all of us he's in charge as "the decider" - 20,000+ more troops for Iraq; $400 billion wasted - - We eager await his next decision YAYYYY

And, drum-roll please...
#1
Tax breaks passed with Minimum Wage Hike Bill
What? Wait... We're we trying to help the most needy? Right? No? Oh, okay... I get it... Cut those taxes - China's underwriting our debt anyway... Immigration? Health Care? Renewable Energy? Baby Boomers retiring? Those damn taxes are still too high - if we're going to give our lowest workers almost a dollar more per hour, we better save business billions....
Our Founding Fathers would be proud.

Pelosi Exhausts Cheney during State of the Union

No Word on When We Must Stop Supporting Troops

The State of the Union address by President Bush offered many new initiatives - taxing those who actually have health care, reducing America's oil consumption by drilling for more oil, and both support for and fear of Shiites. But none was as obvious as that visually portrayed by new House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who consistently leapt out of her chair faster than VP Dick Cheney.

As if a tack were on her seat, Pelosi regularly jumped upward, her figure to right side of the screen proving faster and more eager than that of Vice President Cheney. Lacking multiple heart attacks and threats of indictments, Pelosi proved herself up to the task: A speedy House Speaker with strong legs and fast hands, standing and applauding whenever the president mentioned a subject of interest to her.

Meanwhile, Cheney looked very old. Except when any mention of the military or cutting taxes was made, the Vice President was a corpse compared to the vibrant House Speaker sitting at his side.

What all could agree on - both Cheney and Pelosi leaving their posteriors to stand and applaud with equal vigor - was the mention of "our troops." Though none could explain how America can afford unending war - nor why we must pay for the reconstruction of an oil-rich country - everyone in attendance showed blatant support for the military. Mostly due to the fact that few of them have served in the armed forces, and all of the Bush Administration actually avoided service, our elected leaders wildly applauded the fact that the vast majority of taxpayer monies go towards what we cannot - and due to their "classified" nature - will never know.

Things to look for in the future: Threatening of Social Security in order to "save" it; Jim Webb carrying that picture of his father everywhere; Nancy Pelosi in the gym, working her legs for the next State of the Union; and, most of all, more applause for the heroic men and women of the armed forces, who none of our elected leaders are related to, nor care to know, but gladly applaud - then fund companies that make predator drones and space-aged lasers.

Potential Assassin Baffled by Obama and/or Clinton for Prez

In a rare interview with would-be assassin Joe Scheckler, the possible gunman admitted sudden confusion over the recent announcements by both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama of their intentions to run for president in 2008.

"Honestly, a few weeks ago, I was much more confident." confided Scheckler, an unemployed woodworker/pizza delivery driver/cock-fighting referee, "I had my sights quite literally set on Obama because, well, you know... But now, with Hillary running, I'm really torn. It has become a real toss-up."

Though described as a "wacko" and "nutjob" by his friends and fellow would-be assassin peers, Scheckler sounds quite serious when saying that he will actually do something this time.

"Lots of people remind me of my failed attempt on Dennis Kucinich," mourns Scheckler, sitting in his studio apartment in a suburb near you, remembering how he actually packed a brown-bag lunch and started his car - apparently ready to attend a speech by the forgotten Democratic presidential candidate in 2004 but lacking a gun because Scheckler is opposed to the NRA and its platform, "But what most don't mention is that I stopped because it would have made him more famous. I mean, really, Dennis Kucinich? What was I thinking? He could have gotten like ten more votes..."

Solely focused on Democratic targets, when Scheckler was asked why he doesn't consider Republicans, his face turned red, "I know, I know... Bush One, Two, Cheney, McCain... I really got lost the past few years. With losing my job delivering pizzas and the lack of woodworking projects as well as cock-fighting venues in the area... But that's all history. Now, if I could just decide which would be better - the woman or half-Kenyan... Something big, as soon as I make up my mind, something big."

However ominous he may sound, the majority of Scheckler's friends (2 of 3 total) said that he will probably again lose interest, instead focusing on another season of "American Idol." As expressed by one associate, who asked to remain anonymous - nor be referred to as a "friend" of would-be assassin Joe Scheckler:

"Joe's a good guy. He's just lacking gumption. If he could do one thing well, that would be a day to remember. Like get a job, wow, what a day - - But he's Joe, so we all listen to his talk of assassinating someone... Isn't that what friends do?"

AG Gonzales sends Domestic Spying back to FISA Court

No Word on Bush's Jail Sentence

In an overdue acknowledgement of the law, the highest law official in the country, Attorney General Alberto "Don't Call Me Speedy" Gonzales is allowing the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court (FISA) to do its job and actually oversee foreign intelligence surveillance by the Bush Administration.

In an move that he called "innovative," the AG - who overlooked the Bush Administration's breaking of the 25+ year old FISA law - is returning jurisdiction of all domestic and international snooping to where it belongs. Very big of him...

Not included in the announcement are any details on the Bush Administration's recent use of a signing statement to approve the opening of Americans' mail, nor how many years George W. Bush will serve for breaking the law.

Sadly, this isn't sarcasm or a joke...

Under FISA law, Bush should be serving several years in prison for breaking the law, as well as paying significant fines. But his appointed Attorney General seems unable to actually enforce any existing laws, but rather defy or redefine those that serve his boss's interests.

Wow, what's next? VP Cheney not held to account for his gathering of false intelligence in the run-up to the Iraq war? Oh, sorry, that's already happening too... Should we all be rooting for "Scooter" Libby in hopes that he gets a mistrial once his former-boss's dark cloak is revealed, as well as the many misdeeds we don't know about yet?

These are sad days for America. Great times for comedians and dictators; still, sad days indeed.

"MLK has been detained..." grunts Cheney, as his week begins

Best (and worst) of the Week

Dick Cheney is all over the news, and makes our "BEST (and worst) of the Week" list on multiple counts (and in multiple courts):

#3: Abramoff abettors
The fallout continues - last week the former #2 official of the Interior Department was notified that he will be indicted for lying about his relationship with lobbyist Jack Abramoff - J. Steven Griles has highly dubious company, including Tom Delay, bringing scrutiny to the Bush Administration - and the curious resignation of Sue Ellen Wooldridge, a senior Justice Department official.
Question: When will former Interior Department Secretary Gail Norton get indicted? Who else in the Bush Admin. will be outed as another of Abramoff's "Our guy?"

#2a: Pentagon and CIA are snooping on America - What a surprise...
New documents show that the Pentagon and CIA are breaking the law by issuing "national security letters" to obtain financial records on Americans - which breaks the law - but something vice president Dick Cheney comforted us all by saying is a "perfectily legitimate activity"

#2b: Scooter stands trial
Former chief of staff to Dick Cheney goes on trial this week - Will he still be on crutches for sympathy? - Raising another question: What can Cheney possible say on the stand that won't be perjury?

And... DRUM ROLL PLEASE...

#1: Rusty, the overweight Labrador
On a less serious and scandalous note, in Britain two brothers were found guilty of overfeeding their dog named Rusty. Weighing more than 150 pounds, unable to walk more than 6 steps, Rusty simply couldn't say no to another feeding... The two brothers have briefly lost custody of Rusty, and since, the dog is much slimmer and spunkier, after losing 45 pounds. The brothers, under order from the court, are not allowed to let their dog "put on any weight."

Holier Than Thou - GOP upstages Dems on Earmarks

Overshadowed by the debate over Iraq's future and "the surge" was heavy maneuvering on The Hill Thursday regarding earmarking - and a Republican's amendment to include sacred items included in military contracts and civil engineering projects that account for the vast majority of total annual earmarked funds.

A potential black eye for the Dems' promised ethics push, Republican Senator Jim DeMint of South Carolina introduced an amendment to a proposed bill on making earmarks more "transparent," offering a shot-over-the-bow to rather lackluster Dem rewrites of ethics laws. The original bill only required disclosure of individual lawmakers sponsoring a small fraction of earmarks and, astonishingly, specifically excluded all earmarks dispensed through military contracts and civil engineering projects, which are the largest of pool of earmarks in the federal government. Senator DeMint's amendment included such earmarks, both embarrassing Dem leadership and exposing weaknesses in the proposed bill.

Curiously, Dem leadership actually attempted - but failed - to block DeMint's proposal in a vote of 51 to 49. Equally perplexing was Dem leader Senator Harry Reid offering his own amendment that appears to apply to all earmarks - only after DeMint's - saying that "Earmark disclosure will be a major change in the way the Senate works... We should adopt the Reid-McConnell version..."

Are the Dems trying to control every aspect of legislation - flaws and all - only accepting modifications when the GOP offers embarrassing (maybe more effective) amendments? What a 180-degree flip in less than a week... Real reform only comes via bipartisanship - As the last decade has shown, one-party rule amounts to suspect inside deals and, of course, anonymous earmarks.

Hopefully a lesson has been learned, as summed by Senator DeMint: "...the public's going to know from Day 1 that the idea of being open and transparent is just a scam."

Real Time President

As apologetic as he can get, the following text was taken verbatim from President George W. Bush's address to the nation, 9 EST
Note: "surge" not used once, nor Somalia (which we've been bombing in the past week); however the term "safe haven" used thrice



the new strategy... help succeed in the fight against unified and democratic nation
we thought these elections
with fewer American troops... the opposite happened
mortal danger
innocent Iraqis
calculated effort to provoke some supported by Iran... death-squads unacceptable to the American people, and unacceptable to me everything we’ve asked them to do
rests with me
both parties, our allies abroad and distinguished scholars we agreed there is no magic formula
failure in Iraq would be a disaster ...gain new recruits... topple moderate governments
use oil revenues
safe haven
September Eleventh Two-Thousand and One
For the sake of
80% of Iraq’s sectarian violence occurs within 30 miles of
too many restrictions on the troops
let me explain the main elements of this plan: 2 deputies 9 districts
local police stations going door to door to gain the trust
but for it to succeed they need our help a campaign to put down sectarian violence
committed 20,000 additional troops 5 brigades to Baghdad
well defined mission
protect the local population
the security Baghdad needs
but when our forces moved on... the killers returned
political and sectarian interference
this time, Iraqi and American forces will have green light
not be tolerated
I’ve made clear to America’s commitment is not open-ended
lose the support of the
the Prime Minister understands this
just last week
no safe haven
no immediate end to suicide bombings
every effort
our television screens filled
gain confidence in their leaders
make progress in other critical areas
goes beyond military operations
visible improvements to the benchmarks
take security
give every Iraqi a steak
share oil revenues
committed to a better life
Ten Billion
empower local leaders
de-Baathification laws
amendments to Iraq’s constitution
increase the embedding
larger and bigger army
greater flexibility to spend funds
provincial reconstruction teams
Secretary Rice will
pursue Al Qaeda
A captured Al Qaeda document
radical Islamic Empire... launching new attacks
killing and capturing Al Qaeda leaders
our commanders believe we have a
4,000 troops America’s men and women
safe haven
succeeding in Iraq
stabilizing the region in the face
addressing Iran and Syria
material support interrupt... protecting American interest
carrier strike group
reassure our friends and allies
preventing Iran from America’s full diplomatic
Egypt, Jordan and the gulf states need to understand
these nations have a steak
we endorse the Iraqi government’s
Secretary Rice will
more than a military conflict
the most realistic way to protect the American people
by advancing liberty
standing with the brave men and women
just and hopeful
from Afganistan to Lebanon to the Palestinian and they are looking at Iraq
will America draw
the changes I’ve outlined
fighting for its life
American security without conscience
deadly acts will continue
we can expect
will not look like the ones
no surrender on a battleship

a functioning democracy upholds the rule of law and answers to its people

instead of harboring them
many are concerned
mass killings troops being forced
the current cycle of violence
we can hasten
fully briefed
we will adjust
honorable people
our views up to scrutiny
how the path they propose will be more likely to succeed
Joe Lieberman me and my administration our relationship
increase the size of the active mobilize talented war and tyranny
blessed with extraordinary men and women
noble and necessary far from their families...
we mourn the loss of every fallen American
worthy of their sacrifice
more patience, sacrifice and
the burdens of freedom
America is engaged
we can and we will prevail
the author of liberty will... thank you and good night

The Fog of Aging

Living With - And Learning to Love - Alzheimer's

On October 26, 2005, my grandmother passed. Some may take exception to my using the term "passed" – and the fact that I didn’t attend her Friday funeral – to me, though, my grandmother died over five years ago.

Anna Bliss Lockwood was another victim of Alzheimer’s.

We are all victims, not just my family, but everyone in due time. Forget Avian Flu, AIDS, even Iraq... Chances are good that we will all witness our parents – and one another – waste away. No cure for Alzheimer’s exists, and for the first time, in 2004, it became the #1 killer of people over 75 in New York City. More people die of Alzheimer’s than car accidents and breast cancer, and over 43% of people over 85 already have it.

As the average American’s life expectancy increases, so does the certainty of affliction.

My grandmother made it to 87, but we have been watching her fade since 1998, slowly yet consistently, forgetting our names then herself until finally, mercifully, descending into an abyss of amnesia. Only heightening the tragedy was the reality that the normal rituals of confronting a terminal illness within a family don’t apply to this evil disease.

My father’s phone call that Wednesday was cathartic: "I just wanted you to know that your grandmother died this morning..." His voice was calm, casual, more courteous than concerned: Relieved.

Having cared for her every need, moving his mother time and again, counseling with doctors and nurses, loyal and loving, even my father’s deep well of grief ran dry by the end. As it clouds its victim’s mind, Alzheimer’s also breeds a level of indifference among those involved – He and we have been mourning far too long already.

* * *

First identified by German psychiatrist Alois Alzheimer in 1906, the disease that bears his name is the overriding cause of what is generically called dementia. The plague of age, at least 60% of cases of dementia are due to Alzheimer’s: clumps or clusters of dying or dead nerve cells ("plaque") that impair normal brain activity. Early signs are short-term memory lapses, oftentimes frustration, confusion, then recurring forgetfulness, eventually leading to outright incapacity.

Seven years ago, during a visit to her home in Florida, my father noticed how his mother seemed almost lost, forgetting her keys, to lock the door, turn off the stove... Too obvious and dangerous to allow her to continue to live alone, we moved her north. This is perhaps the hardest moment; stripping the independence from an elder; a child forced to confront their parent with the reality that they are no longer fit to live on their own. My grandmother took this especially hard; she was, if anything, an independent woman.

A child of The Great Depression, Anna Bliss was unofficially orphaned at an early age, sent to live and work for another family because hers couldn’t afford to feed her. Hard work and personal sacrifice were givens, and marrying William Lockwood only added to her stoicism. My grandfather was a wildcat, working the oil fields of Pennsylvania, a speculator, later buying several bankrupt farms to rebuild and resell. Together, my grandparents reincarnated at least four farms, tending to hundreds of acres and head of cattle, while also raising four children.
As a result, my father knows three hometowns. Itinerant, the family was regularly moving, rebuilding then reselling. Starting with a derelict house and barn depleted of livestock, years of work and wealth would be invested – floors and roofs replaced, fields and stables teeming, equipment upgraded – until it was finally showing a profit. And when that fixer-upper was finally starting to feel like home (schools attended, friends made) it was time for them to find another. After all, this was their life (and business): Buying low, moving, rebuilding, hopefully selling high, moving again – the only life my grandmother ever knew.

Ironically, such temporary acquisitions introduced her to the disease that would ultimately claim her. One of my grandparents’ last investments was a nursing home: Filled with older patients, many with dementia (Alzheimer’s wasn’t fully studied or understood, yet), my grandmother was all too familiar with loss. Her experience would make her a dreadful ward once afflicted.

Knowing the ins and outs of nursing homes, my grandmother was quick to point out how inept the nurses were, that they couldn’t keep her there without her consent; she believed she knew the rules better than any... Packed and ready to leave every morning, complaining all day when informed that she couldn’t, at times attacking her caretakers, she was regularly sedated (at times strapped-down to her bed) at night. It was an immediate and vicious cycle that got her evicted from her first nursing home within months. It wouldn’t be the last.

* * *

Finally, my father found the right place for his mother: A former hospital in Cuba, New York, now fully dedicated to Alzheimer’s. A twenty-block area of New York City has more residents than this rural region; still, a three-story hospital with multiple wings is now exclusively reserved for this disease. The screams rarely cease and smell of piss permeates my grandmother’s final residence.

Upon entering for the first – and second-to-last – time, an ugly thought hit me: "This is the future..."

Our country cannot afford Alzheimer’s. As fiscally draining as war, over $114 billion is spent each year on doctors, nurses, tests, drugs (none of which are intended to cure the disease, but to allay its effects), home and adult day care, etc. This extraordinary annual expense – more than the budgets of the Departments of Commerce, Education, Justice, Labor, Energy, and Interior combined – doesn’t approach its the true, total cost: Economists estimate that an additional $61 billion in productivity is lost due to employees having to leave work to care for afflicted relatives. This is a war – Alzheimer’s annual toll of $175 billion could underwrite another invasion, or at least rebuild New Orleans.

To-date, around 5 million Americans have Alzheimer’s, and another 500,000 new cases are diagnosed each year – around 50,000 died in 2005 of this disease. These numbers are alarmingly inaccurate however; even experts admit that many more cases go misidentified or unreported for years; the initial symptoms are subtle, while full-blown incapacity takes a few years to set-in. Alzheimer’s is terminal within 7-10 years, with each year requiring $150,000 for professional care. Care is the operative word; again, there is no cure.

Nevertheless, there remains the reality that my grandmother’s death certificate will most likely say that it was pneumonia, not Alzheimer’s, that ultimately killed her. No one dies of this disease. Malnutrition, debilitated immune systems, and/or involuntary injuries are often the "official" causes of death; over those seven years in institutions, my grandmother suffered three broken ribs, a fractured skull, innumerable bruises and internal bleeding because she was constantly wandering from her bed and/or wheelchair and falling. Any one of these falls could have been fatal, but again, the actual cause – Alzheimer’s – is only now being consistently cited. This has led to a dramatic (yet superficial) increase in actual reported cases: In 1999, Alzheimer’s didn’t even appear in the Top 10 of leading causes of death, while more vigorous reporting since has propelled it into the Top 5.

Soon it will be #1. Ten of millions of Baby Boomers are about to retire, and none are eager to confront what awaits: pensions precarious, retiree health care benefits subject to the whims of executives, shareholders and politicians, this generation will surely bankrupt our nation. Without a cure, 12-15 million Americans will have Alzheimer’s within decades. Multiplied by the average (current) annual cost of $150,000 for care, that’s $1,800,000,000,000. Nearly 2 trillion dollars – surely more, given the spiraling costs of health care – soon our entire national budget will go towards those afflicted.

When framed by this disease, our advances will be our demise. We are all living longer (those with Alzheimer’s included), which will soon force us to ask the unthinkable:

Should Living Wills include Alzheimer’s – And be required of all Americans?

More importantly (and divisively):

Will Euthanasia for those afflicted be essential for our survival?

* * *

By the end, it was rare to find my grandmother not bandaged and/or strapped to her wheelchair. Strangely though, another, rather beautiful, reality arose. This dreadful disease, the one that will make my father’s generation an impossible burden to mine, actually has a benefit. In this instance, at least...

My grandmother had been transformed in many ways: her lifetime of memories were erased, her active body bloated from medications, her hard-earned savings depleted from years of professional care, and she was no longer packing every morning to leave, rather resigned, really.

Most – and best – of all, though, she wasn’t such a bitch.

Not to taint a departed soul (most of all a relation) but, in addition to being highly independent in her pre-Alzheimer’s life, my grandmother was also a rather nasty lady. Opinionated to the point of ignorance, racist, and incredibly rude to my mother (who will never be good enough for her son), I avoided her, gravitating at an early age to my other grandmother. This one was mean as hell; she could bake the best rhubarb pies but that seemed her sole attraction.

Shockingly, however, in her final years, she became sweet as sugar. A darling, the grandmother I always imagined; even my mother liked her – but understandably thought it all a ruse, waiting for the return of that disapproving bitch from before. But she never did... Aged but reborn, child-like, though in restraints she was still the nicest old lady you’ll ever meet.

Thanks to Alzheimer’s, I received a new grandmother: The one I’ll always remember.

And it was this grandmother that I kissed farewell, forever, that last Christmas. I knew it was the final time I’d see her, alive at least, and after kissing her on the forehead and telling her that I love her, she gave me the sweetest smile. Looking up at me from her wheelchair, blue eyes sparkling, left cheek bruised from a fall earlier that week, dentures stained from lunch, I have never been the recipient of a more precious gaze. And she stared a little longer, those blue eyes still sparkling but going distant, and then she did the weirdest thing.

"I’m sorry."

Startled, saddened by her impromptu apology, I begged, "What are you sorry for?"

Eyes lowering, seeing that strap around her bloated belly, grasping it and giving it a tug, she explained, "I want to thank you for coming to visit me... But I can’t remember your name..."

So I knelt low and took her hand in mine, caressing my grandmother, our eyes met one last time.

"That’s okay, Gram. I know who you are."

THE STUPENDOUS, SAD, and just stupid - Best of the Week

Few news items could beat the story which tops 2006 as the "BEST" but 2007 has already offered some strong contenders... In case you missed it, 2006's top story was:

Plane Lands after Matches used to Hide Odor
- A Dallas-bound flight was diverted to Nashville in late December 2006 when several passengers reported "smelling burning sulfer" - - The cause? Matches of course... But it's the reason for lighting those matches that makes this story the BEST OF 2006...
A woman on board "admitted that she struck the matches in an effort to conceal a 'body odor,'" saying that she had an "unspecified medical condition" the woman was removed from the flight in Nashville and not allowed to reboard onto Dallas.
The lesson? Next time your "medical condition" is causing you and others discomfort, don't do what she did, especially (as politely reported in the New York Times) "to disguise the scent of flatulence."

The first week of 2007 has offered multiple heroes and more silence from President Bush about his next, even bolder, plans for Iraq. Still, news from The Hill makes our list:

#3 Best: Republicans complain of being locked-out of Dem-controlled Congress - Hypocrisy is oh too funny... Obviously, Speaker Pelosi's first 100 hours echoes the GOP's past 12 years...

#2 Best: (note - if not for the abundance of coverage, this story would have won...) Wesley Autrey's jumping onto the tracks to save a student having a seizure - Damn, man, you just made us all look weak - raising the question: Would Rudy G. have done the same?

AND, drumroll please...

#1 Best News Item of the Week:
2001 Accident Survivor Dies - Anthony Castillo, who in 2001 miraculously survived a car crash that killed his entire immediate family, died in a car crash on New Year's Day. The irony, ouch...

Don't Dare Live This Book - a book review by "Karl Rove"

Note: For those wondering where Karl Rove has been since the Dems defeated the GOP in the 2006 elections, well, he's been doing book reviews for www.bradthescribe.blogspot.com

Book Details:
"The Big Green Apple"
Subtitle: Your Guide to Eco-Friendly Living in New York City
AKA: Simple Ways You Can Make a Difference (and Why It’s a Good Idea)
Publisher: Insiders’ Guide; Imprint of Globe Pequot Press
Author: Ben Jervey
Price/Pages: $14.95/287 pages
Available on Amazon and everywhere, unfortunately...

I recently heard a rumor that if they built “The Freedom Tower” green, it would create enough renewable energy to power all of Ground Zero, maybe lower Manhattan up to Midtown. Not knowing what “green” means, I had to do a little digging...

Using existing technologies – extensive green roofs (I presume to grow marijuana and poppies), building-integrated photovoltaics, geothermal plumbing with high performing subterranean heat pumps – some believe this would be a true symbol of national pride and patriotism. Capped by a giant windmill, the renamed Revolution Tower (thus renaming the area “Rover Manhattan” for easier branding by my developer and real estate broker allies) to my astonishment, it was whispered, hot and wet into my ear, that this one structure would generate power and prestige with every turn.

Maybe I am inciting, even inventing, this rumor, but it could never compare to what we’re actually building on Ground Zero: a beautiful concrete-reinforced bunker rising to 1,776’, secured by my friends at KBR. For the uninformed, 9-11 widows endorse only fossil fuels, and we have the backing of most coal miners – albeit very few of their widows. Still, “The Freedom Tower” will rise: 4” blades will be allowed, but try entering with any of that photovoltaic glass and our men in brown shirts will break it!

My reason for sharing this rumor is to restate our plans, reinforce my patriotism, and denounce one particular book. I am opposed to environmental responsibility: It isn’t American. Sure, we’re addicted to oil, as my buddy Dubya recently misspoke, but if you’re truly honest with yourself, polar bears are dangerous beasts deserving extinction and “eco-friendly living” is an oxymoron: We won, nature lost.

Hippies, go buy a bag of goofballs; anyone talking “Green” is either a Dem donor or in cahoots with ELF – Just ask the FBI and NSA.

And now comes Ben Jervey and his book “The Big Green Apple.” For full disclosure, I do admit to meeting this man, smelled no body odor or patchouli; he was even wearing khakis! An impostor, clean-cut and articulate – armed to invade – I am calling on all Americans to buy and burn his book!

The nerve of an author to think big but act small – Go back to Walden Pond and write ballads with Don Henley, desperado! Telling me that Woody Harrelson’s Hemp suit could have been made of silk and equally “eco-friendly”! Citing “facts” about seven million of my New York neighbors riding mass transit! Obviously you’ve never ridden in my stretch Hummer limousine: Floating high above, reinforced armor to evade bombs and bums, standard Styrofoam cups to hurl out the window; you Greenies better keep quiet or that fine Sooner Senator James Inhofe will drill your organic asses. Global warming is a myth being perpetuated by scuba divers and homosexuals.

Personally, I can think of nothing finer than picnicking with my wife Maude, eating rare veal with a spork off a plastic plate. Neither of us has ever tasted all of the oil that Mr. Jervey says goes into each utensil, not to mention the feeding and shipping of each delicious submissive morsel. Moreover, how dare the author speak for the rest of us, saying that we’d rather walk? One of the worst no-bid government contracts I ever received was for sidewalks in suburban Atlanta with an additional option for Phoenix. Have you seen these people? Blissfully rotund, succulent scraps of BBQ saved under their fingernails for later – Who could complain? Sitting with other members of the Board of Coca-Cola, debating our “Columbian death squad” problem, feeling the AC pulsing along with my pacemaker, I have felt no greater love.

In his eloquent environmental earnestness, Mr. Jersey does point to one problem that I do concur: You New Yorkers like to be stacked; thus making New York the most energy efficient city in America. Akin to detainees at GITMO, you all live too close, oftentimes on top of one another. This is a terrible waste of my energy investment: sharing heat, walking instead of driving, my plans for a liquefied natural gas terminal on Ellis Island will never be realized if you keep it up! Even the cuts in Amtrak that I’ve successfully lobbied for don’t change your “healthy” habits – Maybe more press releases from the Lincoln Group about Avian Flu will stop your straphanging ways. They’ll at least boost my Roche stock.

Even more frustrating is people like Mr. Jervey, himself, writing a guide that’s so easy to read, broken into tabbed, intuitive, sections for rapid perusing. The book’s price of $14.95 will only incite sales, as well as more misguided individual activism. Unfortunately, it also reinforces the premise of his book: How easy, little steps made daily make a big difference. My fellow Evangelicals are suddenly saying the same things, which only underscores the urgency to buy and burn “The Big Green Apple.”

I personally blame the terrorists, Joe Wilson and his wife. There should be a law against such words, but in the meantime, I have a call into Ann Coulter to counter Mr. Jervey’s arguments, as well as my favorite author, Michael Crichton, to commission a follow-up to his masterpiece “State of Fear.”

Still, I must thank Mr. Jervey for one thing: the comprehensive list of events and organizations he compiled and published will serve as a much-needed database of targets for our efforts. “The Big Green Apple” has put this anarchistic movement in the spotlight, but they’ll probably only use it to power their iPod porn. In the meantime, I have much to do: GM is planning cars powered by cellulite and Cheney wants to go quail hunting. I’m inviting Ben Jervey along; any of you “Greenies” are welcome too.

2006 Redux - 2007 Promises More, but "Hotter, Sexier..."

In an exclusive interview with 2007 AD, the new year promised another akin to 2006 AD but "hotter, sexier, faster..."

"What 2006 was to the world, 2007 will be much the same but delivered with a velocity that will boggle the mind." said the seventh year into the second millennia, "2006 was a big year - given the continued War on Terror, scandals, Sudan et al - but the lack of any major natural disasters offers great potential..."

With 3,000 deaths being surpassed at the end of 2006, as well as Saddam Hussein's hanging, 2007 begins with many hurdles to overcome, but the year remains undaunted:

"Look to China and the Arctic for my first major moves," teased 2007, "And with the Bush Administration about to announce another 30,000 troops being sent into Iraq, well, that's an area for tremendous chaos - much like Britney Spears..."

2006 could not be reached for comment, vanquished into memory, but 2007 specifically thanked the previous year for many building blocks, including "Mark Foley and North Korea, the Pope... These are the cornerstones for another year of greed, lust and fear; just think what Romania and Bulgaria will offer the EU and 2007? Iran, hello? Who knows what I, I mean, Putin, has up his sleeve?"